Welcome to the Community About Nothing, and Yet Everything.
From Kris via email. Thanks for sharing this, and here it is for everyone!
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
"I am standing on the Mountain of Right, and you are standing in the Valley of Wrong." Deputy Frank Sloup, Pinal County, AZ
Why do I like this one? I have a primary residence on the Mountain of Right.
Of you who read my previous post, how many of you caught the quote I stole from a movie? Can you name the movie and who said it?
Bet you didn’t know there would be a test…..
So, I have completed 4 of 6 chemo infusions, and I have to say that the last one seems to have caused almost no side effects that cannot be otherwise explained by the disease itself. I remain exhausted all the time, and I go home at the end of the workday positively depleted. That, however, seems to be due to the anemia that somewhat existed before chemo started but certainly seems to have been exacerbated by it.
I presently sit at a 40% disability rating with the Veterans Administration with some big stuff pending. I am awaiting a decision on my hearing loss and the PTSD/Depression. The cancer aspect takes a step forward with an exam by a VA contracted provider who will provide a recommendation as to the service connection to the cancer. If it goes my way and I get to 100%, then as soon as the first check hits the bank, I’m retired. While this exam is scheduled for Monday, I have no assurance that a VA determination will be quickly forthcoming. Patience is the key.
My spirits ...
